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With This Ring, I Thee...What?

You never know when you might stumble on to true love…whether it’s yours or someone else's

Last week, I was jogging around the with Huckleberry stumbling over stumps and into serendipity; or so it seemed. When we came to a fork in the trail, I started to the left, but Huck wanted to go right. Even though it would add another ten minutes to the run, I decided to humor the beagle. As we were crossing one of the little bridges, I discovered Huck’s motivation to go right: a beautiful female hound mix. She stood still on the bridge, staring at us. Huck excitedly charged into her, knocking her into the creek below. He’s super slick like that. 

I stifled a giggle at the sight of a very unimpressed female hound swimming back to the end of the bridge and started to apologize for my dog’s exuberance. I looked up and locked eyes with a dashing man in Carhartts and flannel. I immediately stopped in my tracks, completely losing my train of thought. He didn’t seem to notice and just smiled as he pulled some cheese out of his pocket for the dogs.

At the sight of the cheese, Huckleberry moved in to make friends. I agreed with him and also moved in to make friends. We started walking together and talking. I learned he trained his hound to hunt with him and he learned I trained mine to dress up as a bumble bee and watch Grey’s Anatomy with me. I learned he made homemade chicken wings for football games and he learned that I never waited for cupcakes to cool properly before frosting them.

He had a great smile, an easy laugh and a well-trained dog.  I tried not to get ahead of myself, but I found my mind wandering. I pictured him building me a cabin in the woods, coming home after a long day hunting and warming his flannel-clothed rear by the fire as I adeptly exercised my culinary prowess to cook the wild game. I made a mental note to Google recipes for duck and venison as soon as I got home.

My fairy tale was suddenly shattered, however, when he finally pulled his hands out of his pockets and I saw a wedding ring.

I must have made a face. I’m terrible at masking my emotions and I couldn’t stop looking at the ring. He shoved his hand back into his pocket and casually mentioned his wife.

I smiled and said I needed to finish my jog. I casually called for Huck to follow me and took off at a dead sprint.  I knew Huckleberry was staying near the man with the cheese, but I didn’t look back.

Huckleberry caught up with me in the parking lot and we drove home, leaving the handsome married huntsman and dreams of our cabin in the woods in the dust.

At work the next day, I swapped horror stories with some coworkers. One of my girl friends told me about being approached by two men at a club, both wearing wedding bands. When she pointed out the fact that they were married, they scurried off to the bathroom and removed their rings.  I was appalled.

One of my single male counterparts, however, told me not to judge so quickly. He had been advised to go out wearing a ring because in theory he’d get more attention from women. My jaw dropped when I heard this theory. All I could say was, “What kind of women are you hoping to attract with a wedding band?” He explained that some single men use a wedding ring and a fabricated heartbreak story to get girls.

Are there really people who think that a wedding ring symbolizes some stamp of approval? As if to say, “Clearly, this guy can’t be all bad because some girl married him?” I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. I told my friend he’d only attract vultures and poachers. He didn’t understand, so I explained that poaching was: the art of breaking up a relationship and taking your share of the spoils and my personal feelings about it.

Then, I recommend he read the Ladies’ Home Journal  because they published an interesting article about poaching  and why it’s a terrible idea.

Still, I hear more and more people say they receive more attention from members of the opposite sex when they wear a ring. I wonder why – and if it’s worth a little trip to Tiffany & Co. next weekend?

Broke Dick Dad February 04, 2012 at 12:18 PM
Hilarious! The third and fourth paragraphs are especially funny and flow very well. I can set the record straight: men get the same AMOUNT of attention when wearing a wedding ring or not. But it's the KIND of attention that differs. Nothing good comes from the attention received from women while wearing a wedding ring, except maybe an exciting physical relationship that ultimately causes heartbreak and pain. Only real men like me have the integrity to remain faithful and monogamous whether we wear our rings in public or not. And only real women like you have the morals to stay clear of any married man, no matter how ruggedly handsome. Good for you!
Emily Dixon February 04, 2012 at 08:33 PM
I am so proud of you for this shocking expose on men who wear rings to attract women! I can't tell what I'm more repulsed by- the men who do this, or the women who make it worth their while. That's such a shame. And I'd like to point out that not all men who are wearing a wedding ring in earnest really have a stamp of approval... I know for a fact there are married men out there completely unworthy of their wives, and I also know there are married women out there completely unworthy of their husbands. How sad. P.S. it shocks me that your fabulous beagle tackled a female hound instead of a male one... ;-)
Lindsay Branscombe February 04, 2012 at 09:05 PM
I'm with Emily!!! The most disgusting thing is the women who feel the need or urge or have the indifference to move on a man with a ring!! I mean, men must be really stupid to think that they're going to find a date thats even worthy of giving your real name to with this silly wedding band theory. Those are the girls you RUN from if you want anything more than a "I'm out of the state and will be 3000 miles away and gave her a fake name and phone number so she will never be able to find me" type of fling - if you can call it a fling, more like dirty rotten animal sex. I guess even IF guys are doing this it still is a very clear sign to STAY AWAY!! If the ring is real there's the obvious reason to stay away. If the ring is fake, then you stay away because the guy is bat shit crazy enough to test out that theory. Why dont you try the wedding ring theory and go out wearing one??
Lamont Sanford February 04, 2012 at 09:26 PM
I would use a wedding ring to get as many women as I could to come over and listen to what I have to say about developments in the education INDUSTRY. I would try to convince them to say "No" to this garbage and return schools back to places of learning and not psychiatric institutes. That just me though.
Bobbie February 04, 2012 at 09:52 PM
Let's hit up Tiffany's!! Whoop whoop. Just kidding. Although I have heard of guys showing interest in girls who have a ring on. Maybe it's just the confidence they have that attracts the duds... I mean dudes. I happen to know at least two dudes who have rings tattooed on. Wonder what their wives are thinking?
Yooper February 04, 2012 at 10:06 PM
How the techniques change. It used to be women looked for the pale band on a guy's finger for evidence that his wedding ring was in his pocket for the evening.
Lindsay Branscombe February 05, 2012 at 02:49 AM
Lamont - you've got issues that can't be fixed with even duct tape
Stephanie Pitts February 05, 2012 at 02:51 AM
My husband and I have tattooed wedding rings. Love it! Not because we worry about this but because we just don't like wearing jewlery (and we like tattooes). 'Course, I've still been hit on occassionally...go figure!
Maureen Dixon February 05, 2012 at 01:49 PM
Hmm, I am starting to think it might be a fun experiment to wear a ring when I go out and about just to see if I get more attention....since I'd never seriously consider dating a sleezeball who hits on a "married" woman, I've got nothing to lose, right?
RONALD M GOLDWYN February 05, 2012 at 04:54 PM
I was married in 1961 in a single ring ceremony. In over 50 years I have never cheated on my wife. More important with or without a ring I didn't look for love or sex outside my marriage. This is the major point between generations. To me, my vows do not permit me to lust elsewhere. If your marriage means so little then the ring means very little also. No wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce. Maybe the government should issue learner's permits for ringless folks.
Sylvie February 05, 2012 at 05:21 PM
Erin have you ever seen that Adam Sandler movie that came out last year I believe? I can't remember the name but the whole movie is about him wearing a fake ring to get this girl. Watch it!
Lindsay Branscombe February 05, 2012 at 05:53 PM
Oh Ronald. Yet again you fail to reference the facts the infidelity rates have not changed over the years, they were just rarely talked about and even less often resulted in divorce. Men and women in the 50s and 60s cheated just as much as the men now, it's just that back then it was looked at as the wife's fault for not holding on to her man which meant they were less likely to come out and confront the issue. You are so out of touch my friend. The major difference between generations when it comes to that is that women will not stand for it and will call out their husbands AND are more likely to divorce because of infidelity - the amount that it occurred is the same, it's the result of its occurrence that differs.
Maureen Dixon February 05, 2012 at 06:46 PM
Lindsay - I agree. I don't think people have changed that much over the years or that the "monogamy gene" skips a generation now and then. Situations change. It's more common/acceptable to be *gasp* a divorcee or *double gasp* a single mother nowadays because women are more independent. This means women don't have to tolerate infidelity antics if they don't want to. There are still plenty of "Old Boys Clubs" in which cheating is acceptable or even encouraged - and they are not new. A business man having an affair with his secretary in the 1960's is just as despicable as one having an affair nowadays. Oh, and for the record - cheating isn't an issue unique to men, women do it too and I find it just as inexcusable.
RONALD M GOLDWYN February 05, 2012 at 08:58 PM
Ms Lindsay and Maureen, Yes you are correct for your generation. There were no coed dorms when I attended college. Female coeds were locked into their dorms by 10 PM on school days. Life was more Victorian. Yes there was a dress code and there was no female birth control. Yes there was much more restrictions on women then on men back then. As the saying goes, you have come a long way baby. My baby is a 46 year old woman with two boys (17 & 19)
Amy February 05, 2012 at 11:14 PM
The woman who is with my ex-husband now told me over the phone (while we we still married!!) that she "just wanted what (I) have"! Now she's got the cheating jerk, so I hope she's happy (I have the feeling he isn't). It's amazing how little some women think of themselves that they can only go after what someone else has.
Lindsay Branscombe February 06, 2012 at 12:23 AM
Amy - have you read Maureen's article about poachers? You will appreciate it. http://notme2night.com/?p=1022
RONALD M GOLDWYN February 06, 2012 at 01:41 AM
I guess you ladies are not playing the dating game but the dating wars. It seems that men today are willing to let girls fight for them. I fortunately was never part of a war.
Lindsay Branscombe February 06, 2012 at 06:36 AM
Ronald you still completely failed to grasp the point. The article and topic (that you brought up) about fidelity now and then has nothing to do with women's freedoms and liberation. The truth is, men didn't start cheating more because woman are more educated and free in our society (especially business/corporate). Infidelity was always there and your comments about how women were oppressed and it was a simpler time and men were happier with their women that way is just plain wrong. Ohhh, and there's not fight. Fighting a dating war means that any random man is worth fighting over, and I'm sorry - while it might be a tough scene, I dont think Maureen is interested in fighting for date. Not sure where that comment even come from in regards to this article to tell you the truth.
RONALD M GOLDWYN February 06, 2012 at 12:33 PM
Lindsay, By war I mean a woman is fighting for her Husband or her boyfriend in the normal sense. As some woman don't care if the man is married. Alls fair in love and war is the expression I believe.
RONALD M GOLDWYN February 06, 2012 at 12:45 PM
In my Dating days, it was improper for girls to call a boy for a date except on Sadie Hawkins day. Good girls were virgins, and wore gloves. Slacks were worn on snowy days only and bars had Women's entrances. Yes, society's rules have changed in the past 50 years, but as you say it may be off-subject as it has nothing to do with wearing a wedding ring.
Steph February 06, 2012 at 10:54 PM
I think it might be more important to say, none of us ever claimed to be "good girls" just "good catches" and with out a little bit of salt and vinegar these days to balance out the sugar and spice (that we all still have), we would never be able to stand on our own two feet. Its easy for Mr. Goldwyn to blame it on the women no longer being the "good girls" but lets face it, good guys don't really exist in the same form as they did in "his day" either. I'm not sure if this will actually post as I'm at sea doing what he would probably consider a mans job. But, I can still be sweet, take care of a home, a family and be just as good and womanly as anyone from his day, with just a bit more spunk. Our generation, not such a bad thing :) I like your articles, its nice to know someone else is going through the trials and tribulations of the dating scene. And as someone who was abused and taken advantage of, forced to support a man, I want to find Mr. Goldwyn, remove my glove from my dainty fingers and give him a good whack of 2012...just sayin' No offense Mr. Goldwyn, but I think it best to give a good look at society as a whole and not just the changes in women. Yes, we've come along way, but society has morphed in a direction that I am unable to argue is either good or bad.
patriot76 February 07, 2012 at 02:57 AM
i've been married 24 years, same woman, 3 kids. when out with friends i see how they approach women AND how women approach them. there seems to be just as many bad boys as there are girls. sometimes the girls are worse. i'm with you Ron, but i'm affraid marraige is not for everyone. some of our friends are serial marry'ers (not sure if thats a word) and are on their third. i've seen friends date for a year and marry for six months. you have to really believe in love to make the commitment, and believe the vows you make, then man up (or woman up).
Michelle Petroccio February 09, 2012 at 04:14 PM
Maureen, I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Part of me was sad for you, and the other part of me was so glad that you are a woman of concience. I have been with my husband for nearly 18 years and we have 4 great kids. I find that both makes and feamale are easily attracted ti people who wear a wedding ring becuse we are safe flirtations from time to time. It's nice to be noticed! However, there have been times when one of us hasn't had a ring on because it was at the jewelers being sized or repaired or taken off to be cleaned or during cleaning or cooking, and then just simply forgotten to be put back on when leaving for somewhere in a hurry. This has raised eyebrows and questions from mutual friends, and always "is everything okay with you guys"? I actually had a friend ask my husband one time where his wedding ring was. People caN BE QUITE QUIRKY SOMETIMES!

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