Trending and Trendy Rejection

I was asked in the comments section of one of my previous articles if being “deleted/unfriended” was the latest and greatest form of rejection. I wasn’t planning on tackling Social Media Heartache until I had the chance to plaster my own Facebook page with pictures and status updates of me and my super hot new boyfriend doing all sorts of cutesy couple things, like taking a weekend trip to Block Island or feeding each other ice cream at or even just making out on my sofa (can you believe people really post pictures of their make out sessions? So tacky!) However, upon further consideration, I decided I shouldn’t make , my commenter, wait that long.

Dear MEK, simply put, the answer to your question is “yes.”  

Cyber-Rejection is relatively new; rejection is not – it just feels that way sometimes because we are constantly advancing towards more tech-savvy and efficient ways of being reminded that we were dumped. Now, instead of waiting all day to come home to an empty mailbox or an uncaring answering machine that says “you have no new messages,” singletons are coming home to no new mail, e-mail, voicemail, text messages, direct messages, text alerts, tweets, comments, pokes, winks…you get the idea.  It seems like anything for which you sign up, can one day serve as a medium of rejection!

The pains of heartbreak have not diminished throughout the ages – it’s a universal feeling that has been around forever and isn’t going anywhere. I’m sure Jane Austen’s eloquent expressions of a broken heart and Emily Dickinson’s stomach wrenching poems represent the same depth of passion as the pang from the little broken heart emoticon on Facebook that boldly announces, “Maureen Dixon is now single.”

Intimate details about our ex’s lives are now more readily available to us than they were even just 10 years ago. We no longer have drive all the way across town to end up at our ex-lover’s favorite haunt and wait around for the chance to bump into them, just so we can act surprised and casually say, “Oh, you still come here and drink PBR and wear that flannel shirt you love so much and play pool even though you’re no good at it and order the wings because they were your favorite and, oh, how long have you been dating her? I’ve been good, really busy though, so incredibly busy doing really great things that I haven’t even had a minute to think lately. I completely forgot you come here.”

Trust me, if you rehearse it enough, you too can sound this cool and breezy when you have those accidental encounters with your Ex.

Stalking has become so easy that we sometimes forget that we are doing it, or we honestly fool ourselves into believing that we are just checking for “friend updates.” It’s because the social network does that annoying little “networking” thing: Here’s a bunch of pictures of people you may know – including one of the guy you loved moving on to more readily available versions of yourself. It makes you go crazy.

So what do you do to combat these instantaneous reminders of being dumped? Whatever it takes!

I started off by calling my friends in tears – a good histrionic fit never hurt anyone! One of them begged me to turn over my password so that she could change it and lock me out of Facebook for a month. I almost took her up on the offer.

Then I got yelled at by my mother; she just didn’t understand why I would even go to that website. I told her to call me back when she figured out how to download stuff on her own and hung up.

Next, I de-friended as many of our mutual friends as I could bear to lose. Most of us were e-friends more than real friends anyway. It actually felt great to clear out the “friend cache,” and as my friend T says, “Facebook de-friending is a favorite pastime of mine. There is nothing better than de-cluttering. That goes for closets, desks, glove boxes, bikini areas, and virtual friends.”

Eventually, I replaced 85 percent of my Facebook time with Twitter. Addictions like these are fully interchangeable, and since I don’t know most of the people who follow me on Twitter personally, I don’t feel bad lying to them about how cool I am.

Those were all of my rational actions. I’m not going to lie though – sometimes impulse trumps logic.  

Last spring, I went to New York city and wrote my wish, “To find true love again in 2011,” on a piece of the confetti they have in the Times Square Visitor’s Center. I waited patiently for eight months until New Years Eve when my confetti joined all the other confetti that was dropped with the ball.  Four months into 2011, and the confetti thing hasn’t panned out for me. I haven’t given up hope on it yet.

I also impulsively spent a lot of money.  I bought new Vera Wang sheets, a MacBook Pro and a 2009 Jeep Wrangler. Heck, I didn’t have to pay for a wedding anymore, might as well enjoy the money I had been saving up for it!

I didn’t block the Ex from my Facebook or my blog.  Initially I wanted him to be able to see all the awesome new pictures I was posting and what a great time I was having without him. I quickly realized the one flaw in my plan.  For him to see these pictures, I would have to take awesome new pictures and have a great time. Eventually, I noticed that I was going out just because it was fun, and I wasn’t even thinking about the Ex.  

I’ve been cautioned against giving advice since my dating experiences are more “comedy of errors” than rave successes, but everyone has their own piece of heartbreak advice to share, so here’s mine:

Don’t let technology make you feel rejected, or even worse, kept on someone’s backburner. If you need to, turn your phone off so it’s not ringing because it’s off, not because no one is calling.  If you haven’t deleted his number, do so! (If you have his number memorized and know how to make yourself forget it, please let me know.) Buy yourself some nice stuff if you have the money. Buy yourself cheap stuff that feels nice if you don’t. Invest in you. I’ve invested in a lot of things to meet guys (the gym, online dating sites, the 2011 NFL Draft) but I’m most excited about the belly dancing lessons I’m going to start next week in Milford, even though I don’t expect to meet prince charming there. Lastly, if you want to throw caution to the wind and try the confetti tactic, jump the Metro North, go to New York and do it.

You only have to wait eight more months for your wish to come true.